What Was I Thinking!?
How could I have been so callous as to suggest a lack of self-control and personal responsibility was to blame? I am so sick with myself that I could just vomit.
Every day we Americans are beset with the advertising of evil corporations whose only goal is to turn us into a nation of lard asses. It is not our fault that we don't exercise and eat to excess. How can we possibly resist all the advertising thrown at us? We have no free will. All that we are and do is dictated to us by evil ad execs. However, I am not exactly sure why only the ads for junk food can control us. I see countless ads each day for healthy food and exercise equipment, but they don't make me want to eat right and exercise. It is only those bastards peddling sugary snacks and greasy burgers that can control my actions (no doubt with the full aid of the Bush administration).
I see now that there is no solution other than to implement as many socialist programs and government controls as possible. We must do this for the good of the nation! After all, when have you ever seen a fatass in a socialist country. Never, unless of course it was some bloated American tourist, because fat people simply will cease to be fat once we wrangle in these diabolical corporations forcing us to eat things we don't want.
I have absolutely no doubt that this will cure the disease of obesity. In addition, I am sure that it is only a fluke that I have lost twenty pounds in the month that I have been going to the gym. It must be because I don't plug in my headphones while I am on the treadmill. This must somehow protect me from the insidious mind control techniques being plied during the commercials on Fox News. Fortunately, CBS and ABC don't air commercials for fast food. With guidance from these stations and the New York Times, I am fully confident that we can again be slim and trim.